The Night Before I Left...

It seems like yesterday when I first left Manila for Sorsogon.

Mare (Glenford), came to visit me earlier, just before I finish packing my things for tonight's trip. As we chat our way to good old times and the what's latest with our lives I can't help but connect this to the first time I left to settle in Sorsogon--he was also here the night before I left.

We have been friends since High School. Indeed a good friends are hard to find, and just like the friends that came since I was a kid, Mare is definitely for keeps.

It's been five years since we last saw each other. I came here for Christmas vacation and just like every vacation I spent here in Manila since I went away, Mare was one of those good friends that came to pay me a visit. But after graduating high school, we never get to continue communication.

Then came my comeback and the internet connection....

Boy was I glad! after more than five years I get to continue friendship with them. First there was RZ whom I met while going home from Misa de gallo. After a few months I saw Glenford and the rest of the gang through friendster.

As Mare came tonight to bid me luck, not goodbye--for there's no room for goodbyes--I realize how blessed I was all this years--from belonging to a great family to having true friends. Definitely I'll cherish these priceless and timeless treasures....

Going Back

Am I ready to go back?

It seems that what I thought would take long may actually come sooner than expected. Recently me and my family are facing a a certain problem that the solution, so it happens, is to go back.

Earlier this week my mom came to me and talked about it. We were to go home this coming Sunday early morn. As of now, I haven't packed my bags with this ambivalent feeling about this whole scenario of going back. I really am not sure whether to pack all my clothes up or leaves most of it since I'm not so sure about staying there. I may have great moments which I truly treasure and would wish to go back to yet there are all those painful moments, especially those head aching moments, that I do not wish to return to (or even come across face to face).

Honestly, at this very moment, trying to figure out how to keep my chin up on this matter, I am getting myself all focused on the fact that I have to face all the stuff that would somehow, as I return, would definitely make my blood boil....ahhhhhh!!!!!

There's no turning back now. I have to go and face it....hopefully this time they'll see someone more grown up and more of untouchable (someone not to mess up)....

Me and my walls....

I sit here typing away what I think is the best cure for being alone with the walls on my room.


They just left. My dad and my siblings. Presently they are on their way back to Sorsogon. It's back to school again for my siblings and right now I can't feel anything except the sadness of parting ways with them. God I miss them!


But three months (or maybe two), isn't long. They'll be back this summer vacation and my dad will still be coming here for my mom (for something very important).

As they were here, the two weeks became loud and cheerful. Though the entire house went into a whirlwind of unending mess (though we keep constant tidying), warmth filled it. My family was whole and we were blessed indeed, even with the struggles we faced.

It was a time when facts were placed in front of me at how blessed I was and the coward I've become to face the ghost that never existed.

It's already been an hour since they drove out. Earlier while they were waiting to enter the van as papa warmed it up, realizations came. Standing in the cold night, all dressed up for travel used to be my thing and right now I wished I was part of it again. I was missing travel. The views we passed by....the people we met along the way. Then there was also the destination--I was missing Sorsogon more....

How I wish I was dressed up and ready to get in the van with my siblings....How I wish to go back and spend days again there. But there are just some things that seems to keep me from going back....

Time will come that me and my mom will return to Sorsogon. Hopefully when that day comes it will be just like before--with our family whole and the our baby--Braumz (our dog), to squeez with us again with his wagging tail....

The New Year with a Bang!

I never allowed myself to skip mass especially with the new year coming, and just like misa de gallo, I came with my family and friends (this time with my younger brother while my two other siblings who were with us during Christmas mass was left to babysit my grandma).

As I sat there listening to the mass, I could already feel something wrong in me. I tried to hold the cough that's been pestering me the whole day and my nose seems to be holding a blow that wishes to expose itself. Luckily I was wearing a sweater to beat off any cause to add further havoc in my health.

Alas came twelve! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Feeling sorry for our shivering youngest--our pet dog Braumz, I went to the kitchen where we kept him, somehow trying to relieve his sensitive senses. Luckily I easily got him calmed down (though I think other family members already did before I came--atleast I helped). Good thing I was there for as soon as the clock struck twelve the noise became more louder than ever, from the rock music playing from our sound sytem (and the club mix of the neighbor), to the sound of firecrackers which may be pretty except for that odious stinge and smoke.....

Still it was indeed a Happy New Year!!!

My family was whole....

we have had so much blessings....

we were given a chance to be blessings.....

Though there were problems and there are still worries we presently face, I can feel that this year will be better than last time....I count on God for that!!!!

Extending the Yultide Cheers....

Finally! I got my hands on the computer--not to mention the net.

Christmas came and Christmas still remains, even after the 25th of December. And I must admit, so far it's been great. As a young adult, I now see the deeper meaning of Christmas behind the gifts and carols. It's been one heck of a week before Christmas, attending Misa de Gallo which afterwards went with me packing up goodies to give away to kids at Christmas morning. Then there's also my family whole this Christmas after school came to vacation and my siblings with my dad coming here (and as yours truly writes this, shares the room with sister-dearest).

Christmas came this year with a fulfilled heart. Misa de Gallo ended well, with my family coming to mass with me (except for my youngest brother who had to stay home to watch over my grandmother) and with me finally taking communion, which I must admit was a bit emotional experience (as I knelt down to thank the Lord for the opportunity to take him once again). Christmas was celebrated with Ham and spaghetti and salad--and a Korean flick (which I surprisingly enjoyed....)

Thus Christmas came with our belly's full and everyone tired. We may have slept earlier than most people did yet that was because we have to prepare for another Christmas celebration. Morning came busy for us. We all woke up early with the sounds of kids knocking on our doors for Christmas treats. As my sister goes distributing the goodies I packed (which I think I need to increase by next year), the rest of us went cleaning and cooking for Luncheon. Though still sleepy and tired from cleaning up, I found myself in a good mood (though a bit annoyed with some teenagers competing with kids for treats (OMG!).

The day went by nicely with family and friends gathering for lunch, and cards dealt later on at the veranda for a game. After the card game, I found myself in front of the television watching Harry Potter, that we have to stop soon to go to the neighbors house for yet another session of eating (ha! another inch added on my waistline).

So merry making went on 'till evening as we yet pushed our stomach's limit with a family friend dining with us for a night snack as we watched Marimar and later on continuing Harry Potter.

This may not be the usual Christmas many of us may have wished for and though 'till now I still feel as if we're celebrating, this is actually the first time I celebrated Christmas at an adults view point, behind the glitter of lights and decor.

My family's together...There's nothing more I could wish for...

Christ was born on the manger--in all simplicity and glory, a family created with his presence. He came to bring us salvation thus we have a lot to thank.....

And let me begin my thanks to God for giving me a wider view of what being blessed is all about--especially this Christmas....

When we are meek....

Just when I thought they were there for the chats.

The fifth night of Simbang Gabi started with the priest running late again (since he had also led a mass at another parish). And before all the prayers and the songs began that night, the chapel was filled with buzzings of adults chatting and kids running around, if not, making tantrums. There were few, I must say, whom I saw, whether kneeled or just sitting, who are praying while waiting.

A fast forward to the mass--with some kids still having fun, if not, sleeping, while mass was going on, I somehow felt a certain cheer within me. Something that night tells me that it was a night where I'd see something that should be seen from church goers--and it took me to sit back and wait while the communion was going on.

From the playing of kids to the chatting of adults, to certain teenage sweethearts and buddies fooling around (sorry!), The communion seem to have captured my attention unlike the previous nights. hhhmmm...maybe it's my view from where I sat.

Though the church was still jammed pack, it seem that that night there were only small numbers. Still, the huge number of those taking the communion was still undeniable. It was then that I saw that these people were there not just to hang out or make the church as their meeting place for date (or stop overs), there was also a lot of faith.

I don't know whether it was the homily that made that night's misa extra special. Definitely there were more faith intact that night, not that I'm saying that the previous nights never had. It just that the misa seemed more solemn that the previous ones.

It was also then that I saw the number of people falling in line to take Christ's body, or should I say "noticed". I've been there almost every night yet never realize the number of takers (maybe it's really the view where I sat).

Definitely, in the middle of the itchy nose and cold atmosphere, I saw that when it comes to worshiping God, there is always unity and eagerness to be the best.

As they said in the homily--nothing is impossible with the Lord....

Trinkets of Happiness

It's been a week since I saw a one of Mel and Joey's (a weekend show in GMA7) about a tinapa vendor who always makes it a point to shower kids in their place, candies, as a way of showing her thanksgiving to the Lord, for all the blessings she and her family received. And inspired as I am by her actions, I'll be doing the same.

Call me not original but the fact of sharing is enough to say at least I did something unselfish, especially this season of giving.

Earlier this afternoon, my mom and dad went to the grocery to pick up something for the fridge (hahaha--it's almost empty), and remembering what I wanted to do, my mom did extra shopping by adding to her list the goodies I planned to give. Promise, these are not candies with formalin....hahaha.

I plan to give this goodies to the carolers. Instead of giving coins to them for their banging and clinking of their instrument as they sing those Christmas carols (including a Christmas station ID of one of the television network), I'll be giving these little trinkets to them, hoping they will like it, and not fight over it (unlike past Christmas where kids are fighting over their share of carol earnings).

Tomorrow will be a busy day. And tonight, as I end my venture in cyberspace, I leave you with a note:

If in the past you've felt down with the way your life has been, try to look in front of you. For the tiniest smile that appears on your face is already a promise of a great day for the rest of the universe......

Be thankful for your blessing....

Simbang Gabi....

December 15, 2007--Instead of tomorrow early morn, Misa de Gallo (Rooster's mass), was held earlier, this night, in our local parish, for the folks of our subdivision who wishes to attend and complete the nine day mass without having to wake early morn.

The church was full of chirping of his and hellos from the good people of our community as we waited for the priest who came just in time. Aaahhhh! it was indeed a good beginning for us.

Misa de Gallo, or most popularly known in Filipino as Simbang Gabi (Night mass), is a nine day novena mass in preparation for Christmas. This is a very important tradition as it is an act of showing devotion to one's faith and the high anticipation to the Nativity of Christ. Usually it starts at the sixteenth of December 'till the twenty-fourth or Bisperas ng Pasko (Christmas Eve), starting as early as four in the morning. . But besides passion behind the mass, there is also a traditional Filipino belief that completing the mass may mean God granting a faithful's favor or wish.

A faithful's wish....

I have had my part in wishing and completing the mass. So far there were wished that were granted and those not. This time, though I am very much aware that I won't be able to complete it--to give way to my mom and dad who wishes to attend the mass as while yours truly will be taking with them in watching over my grandma--I still kept hold of my faith in God upon granting my wish (an unselfish wish that right now I cannot tell).

Misa de gallo gave a good start earlier as we were led by a priest from Bangladesh. I must admit, though at first, I was a bit worried whether I'll have a difficult time in understanding what he spoke (due to his accent), I found his homily's message clear....

It was indeed very enlightening to listen to his homily. Behind the wandering and chattering of children at the back, where I am seated, I find myself awake and zealously listening to his words. It was indeed, I must admit, one of the best Simbang gabi that I attended.

He started off the homily with a little trivia of where the Misa de gallo started--that it dated back during the Spanish era. Then he mentioned the three decades of the filipinos' state during those times when this nation was under the Spaniards rule. It was then that he had connected this to the Exodus where us, God's children, has seen the light as we break free from all that has oppressed us. That was indeed a reminder of appreciating a speck of light in the dark where we truly see its beauty.

The message of the homily? Attending mass isn't just about asking for favors, but actually reflecting and awaiting Jesus Christ's coming. In the end, as we break free, we must always keep hold of faith and give thanks to the Lord for every bit of blessing he has given, no matter the quantity.

Tomorrow will be my parents' turn to attend. As I type this, I bear in mind the faith I have so pledge my confidence to--the faith in God that he'll be answering this prayer of mine. And this faith I offer to him in thanks for all the kindness he has given me and my family--thanking him for giving me blessings enough for me to share....

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Reference:

Christmas in the Philippines

In hold of FAITH...

We need not question GOD as to why things came to how it is presently. All we need to do is hold on to faith....
I have thought of myself as lost--lost in the sense that I have struggled hard to fight foolhardiness brought about by petty insecurities over nonsense. I have pitied myself long enough about how my life has turned about--not as I have planned....
But recently, I have realized why I was placed in such a situation that I'm presently living in.
Things happen for a reason, and it is still unknown except for He who is All Mighty. We are his creations and every situation is brought about by his will, either to remind us or to reward us. After the many questions I've asked, I saw what God wanted me to do....What made him decide to keep me here longer....
My friends maybe asking what's taking me so long to return to the province or why I haven't made a move to break free from my shackles of the so called boredom, well here's my answer: It's because I learned that boredom is a choice in as much as one chooses to do what's right from what's wrong. Now that belief is being tested.
Earlier this morning I made my prayer to God to give me strength for this new worry I face. It was then that I realize how selfish I have been for worrying those petty insecurities of mine while others are facing graver problems than--and how they've handled it, and still handling it, with head held high.
I thank God for placing me in the position I am right now....
I thank God he made me learn to gather strength the hard way....
I thank God for his presence in my life....
Folks, I may not be ready to tell you the problem I presently face, but with regards to my being lost, I recently found out that I'm still here and just forgetting to breathe. Ha!!!! No one can dare shatter me. No one can dare bury my identity. I am me, they are they. And right now, I have faith, that after I have seen the light, I know this new problem is going to disappear and be forgotten as if it never happened....
Please bear with me and pray that everything is going to be fine....

God is Everywhere

I woke up late this morning and I could have woken up more late if my uncle hadn't come for a visit. being a late sleeper may have caused me to, but unlike previous nights, I slept rather earlier and have no reason to why I had woken up late--except for a dream....

I have dreams lately that seems to be telling me something--but usually I always end up thinking that it was but a product of my imagination. But last nights dream got me more curious as I nearly woke up wanting to cry.

My dream was set in a building. I was with my god sister who was taking a shower, as I waited for her for my turn. The minute she called for me, saying some trouble, I changed my clothes and later found her fully clothed and done. We went outside the room, and headed for a nearby comfort room since she was in need to use a toilet.

As I wait for her to come out, a good friend of mine came. In want to change my clothes, I asked my friend to go with me to the locker room. But instead of heading to the locker room, I seemed to have gotten lost as she led me to the lower area of the building where a grocery was. She left me near the stairs, by the entrance of the said grocery and went to a nearby booth.

Thinking of my god sister who was in the comfort room, I asked my friend to assist me up. She seems to be busy and couldn't hear me. Fortunately, a girl, who seems younger than me, wearing a pink shirt and jeans, with short hair and headband, offered help. At that time something in me says she's an angel.

As we came up, I saw another friend who was walking at the other side of the corridors, by the stalls. I called to her but she seems to be smiling at someone else, not hearing my call. Unable to get her attention, I went off with the girl who still continued to assist me. We were going for the stairs to go to where my god sister was, but instead I found myself entering yet a smaller grocery with tables and chairs everywhere. Thinking what we were doing there, I decided to just buy a toffee candy as a treat to the girl with me.

As I was paying the candies we bought, an old man, who was sitting nearby smiled to us. I approached the man who seems to be saying something to me. At first I thought that he was kind but as I heard what he said further, I somehow got mad at him and tried to make my point (as if we were debating).

He was asking me about God. He was convincing me there is no God. And I ended up arguing about it.

At first, I seem to be trying to be level headed but in the end, annoyed with this old man, I went closer and said with all my gut spilled in his face: "God is EVERYWHERE..."

He slowly turned to look at me, with his eyes seemingly piercing at me, but I stood with all might, asking for a miracle as I wait for his response. He seemed mad at me for saying those words and his eyes were becoming very scary, but I still stood knowing that I was right.

As he was about to speak I heard a woman's voice came from behind me. "God is everywhere..."

I turned to see who it was and saw a woman, who stood from where she sat, smiling at me. I again looked at the old man, more courageous than ever. Then I heard another voice. It was the man in the counter. "Yes, God is everywhere...". and he was smiling too.

Much stronger than ever I stood more proud for standing my ground as the whole room seem to silence with them watching us. Then I turned to the girl with me who seems to be uncomfortable with what was happening. She seems mad at something and uneasy--she can't seem to look at me.

I smiled at the man by the counter as he looks at me beaming. I thanked him and started for the exit with the girl who was now walking in front of me. But before we could go out, the man at the counter shouted something which made the whole room roar with applause. He said something which made me really touched that I almost cried. Not wanting to cry in front of such a crowd, I then headed for exit. Then and there, I noticed something with my companion as she started out first, her feet where smoking--as if it was on fire, though there was no fire. What happened next was gone as I find myself in my room once more, after my mom woke me up telling me of my uncle's arrival....

Was it a sign for something? A test?

After my uncle had left, I talked to my mother about it. She said it was a trial--a test of my faith. It was then that I understood why the man behind the counter, in my dream, led the applause for me.

The dream makes me want to cry as I thought of it further, moved by the power of faith. Right now, all I know is my faith--Faith in Someone higher than all around us. There are times when things may go uncertain for us but all we can cling to is faith.

Faith in God's promise of better days.....

Faith in God for there is nothing impossible through Him....

May GOD Bless us all....

Taking Blogging Seriously

Writing is my first love....

I honestly believe that being a writer runs in my family. It is a passion passed on from one generation to the next. A passion, whether influenced or not, comes out with every stroke of a pen, or clicking of the keys of the keyboard.... This is one hobby I can't get off my system since I was young....and I don't care whether it is related to my specialization I got in college or not.

Since I was young, I have enjoyed writing starting from the poems where is tells strories of some unlucky guy or a triumphant feeling I have. Thanks to my Ate Ophie, who's a writer as well, for showing me this addicting and fun craft, which my mom claims as something that not all are able to do.

Everytime Ate Ophie's work gets published on a magazine seems like a trophy for me that I wish, one day, I will have as well. She was a freelance writer and reading her works made me thought of making something worth posting one day.....High School gave me that chance alright.....then college.....

It's been more than a year since I graduated from college. With me just staying around the house, as I wait for a reply regarding my applications, I make use of valuable time by reading, and of course writing. And finally getting connection to the internet, I found a way to get my works published--if they do get published....

It was going to be a long wait, that I knew, as I passed manuscripts to certain publications (magazines and tabloids), yet, as I started joining an online community, I found a way to design plan b.

Plan B may also be a long wait as well before I see my efforts materialize, with regards to earning that is. Still, I went for it knowing that at least I see my work published for everyone to read. This is blogging....

I started first with friendster. Not only did I get in touch with friends and relatives, I also got to enjoy blogging for the first time. Knowing that it will just be read by friends (and if lucky by friends' friends), I started craving for more. Something that I, myself, can take in more seriously--thus I joined blogger....

As I presently write this newest post on my blogger blog, I hope, just like back in school paper days, I may able to entertain and inform readers from every age as I continue to practice my passion.....And hope that it might help me earn as well.....

Oh...in addiction--I mean addition--I joined Myspace,where like friendster, I also have a blog....

Happy surfing--and reading--and blogging......

Making Use of Valuable TIME

One has to choose whether they make lives boring for them or not.

I choose the latter....

It's been more than a year since I graduated and came back here in Manila. Honestly at first I find it boring as I wait for a reply from where I submitted my application. It took me months before I got a call and passed their exam. Unfortunately, wanting to be assigned at Sorsogon where I graduated college, I have to wait for yet another call for my assignment.

I'm stuck in the house with only books, television, and radio as my way of fighting boredom.

And only lately did I get a connection at the Internet.

Now I'm starting to enjoy being couped up in the house....especially in my room....though there are still times, I must admit, I wish I were outside and hanging out with friends.

Time is gold they say. If every second counts. Every breath we take are gifts to make....I have to make use of it....

Lately I've been having fun answering questions at yahoo answers. As they say "Be a better brainiac". I must admit, though I started just recently, I'm having a great time--made me feel smarter too (hahaha). And with the feel of being smarter, I saw my need to enhance my skills which I think I'm rough at.

With all access to information here on the web, I surf away searching for the right site to help me with the things I've been having problems with.

They say that in every disadvantage comes an advantage. Right now, with all my friends having work while I stay in the house, I take on the advantage for making myself better than before. I just hope it materializes soon.

Or maybe it has.....

New and Improving....

It's been more than a year since I left Sorsogon. Ever since I left I have promised myself one thing--I'm going to be different. It was for me a time to say goodbye to the girl that always cried and had lost touch from individuality--I felt life was sucked out from me from things that I never understood during times when I was in college until now.

It's been a year of isolation....

A year of reflecting....

A year of self-discovery.....

It's time to say goodbye to the old me and in with the new.....

I saw me getting stronger again. Loving life once more. Figuring out what went wrong along the way. At first I thought of the many discouraging moments that has passed my way as I were staying there--Were these the reason why I stumbled? Why I feel so small? It was only when I realize that there was no one to blame except myself that I assured myself of something--it's time to set right to whatever I made wrong.

I saw how I've grown. It was time after all. I let myself be damaged by listening what others were to say about me and forget about my conscience. I refuse to do any wrong that I it turned out that I did it anyway without realizing it. I have caused myself to crack down because I tried to please others that I felt depressed by not doing what made me happy most--that I tried to be someone I'm not though in truth I was already perfect the way God wants me to be.

There are simply things that works out in a person and not for the rest. The most important thing I can do right now is to change myself (or regain myself) to the person my family can be more proud of.

I thought I have stepped out of the cocoon. I haven't after all. Right now I'm still in that stage as I do my best to be the girl who can face life's challenges more.

God promised us better days ahead. All we have to is believe.

I don't know when I'll be back in Sorsogon. In God's time I will. And when that time comes I know I'm not the girl they used to know--I'm new and improved.....

Half of the Shell....

It was 6pm when the light's went off in the subdivision....

AHHHH!!!! BROWNOUT!!!!!!

We ate dinner early at around 6:30pm. After tidying up the table and the dishes, my mom and I decided to stay at the terrace where we chatted along with a neighbor.

With the issues that are presently at hand in the nation (with regards to the explosion), I never thought the conversation would shift from something tragic to something romantic....and God knows how I loved listening 'bout it.

From the bombing, to the terrorist, to the Muslims, to Muslim refugees during the Marcos regime, to the relief operation, to the flashback at the time when boy and girl meets at the Red Cross where they were both assigned for practicum. (huh! that was long....)

As the candle flickers my mom told me the story of she cross paths with a boy named JIMMY....

My mom was on her first month in Sorsogon for practicum while for Jimmy it his was the last month. My mom's first week in Sorsogon was settled for orientation. That time it seems that all places where she could be possibly assigned for the practicum was full, but not wanting to be assigned further more, and thankful luck was on her side, she was then assigned to Red Cross where her friends assured her that it was okay to be there for at least "Jimmy" was there.

Ah yes..."Jimmy" that nice guy who was also in practicum.

My mom and dad met on the my mom's second week of stay. It was very funny actually. My mom at that time didn't know that there were rules concerning cleaning the place. The first person to arrive cleans the office. The first one to arrive was a guy who happens to be the med tech. But since he was the one cleaning (the rule) they thought he was a janitor. Next came this man who was wearing a hard cap and a t-shirt, both printed with the red-cross logo. He was immediately told by the first guy that my mom and the girls she was with are there for practicum as well.

The second guy was an inglisero (English speaking). For this he was concluded as the boss of the office, which later on was found to be nothing more than to be also in practicum (Jimmy)....

Jimmy turned out to be really nice (very accommodating) , but alas was also very testing (as in testing the newcomers). For their first week at red cross, one by one, my mom's co nurses were invited to walk a very long distance from their red cross office to where the group were to go until Friday came and it was my mom's turn.

Hers turned out to be different though. Jimmy invited her to go on a relief operation in Barcelona, Sorsogon (please note that the setting is still in the Philippines). The relief operation were for the Muslim Refugees.

There was a time when I lost faith on something after all the doubts I'm having 'till when I heard this story.

Moving on....As they do their services in Barcelona, one of the refugees broke a large shell into half and gave each to Jimmy and my mom. When those around saw this they began to tell a certain belief that they were destined to be with each other for no matter how far their distances or as time passed by, the two halves of the shell will always find each other. After hearing that all my mom did was joked.

After more than two decades since they were given the shell, I now sit typing this story away, regaining faith that I may have my turn to find my own half of the shell who's other half belonging to someone....

After all, Jimmy is the man me and my siblings call "PA".....

Love you pa and ma!!!!mwah!!!!

Seeing Beauty in Ashes

In Joel Osteen's book "Your Best Life Now", ashes are pictured as painful experiences in life.

Since I've had my hands on that book, life, as I am very much aware, is never the same. I may still be struggling with myself (insecurities and lack of self-esteem), still little by little I saw how my way of thinking has change. This is for me, as also stated in the book, is seeing beauty in ashes--where GOD uses every discouraging situation in our life to our advantage.....

News this week started with the headlines of Among Ed (Fr. Ed Panlilo) and the 500,000php given to him after a meeting with Pres. GMA. Coming out is really something BIG! After he had been on the front pages of tabloids, with him winning the Governatorial position in Pampanga last May elections, he's once again placed there as he told the nation of the 500,000php that he received after meeting PGMA, as a palace personnel told him that he can use it for baranggay projects. Though some local leaders who also attended seem to stay quiet at this issue, except for Gov. Jojo Mendoza of Bulacan who also admitted to receiving the money, it seems that this revelation has somehow opened doors for issues not only concerning the President's questionable actions, but also about the plans for the once burdensome lahar at Pampanga.....

Finding Beauty in Ashes....as in literally ashes.

I was in first grade when lahar from Mt. Pinatubo caused such a wide devastation in Pampangga. Since then, going to Tarlac seems to be passing by the dessert everytime we came to Pampangga. But what seems to be a curse is now a blessing....Among Ed, after winning the elections, has seen a blessing in a curse.....

It's been months since I read about Among Ed's plans to use the lahar to help in developing Pampanga with using it for quarries. Now, after the news of Among Ed telling the public about the money he received, news of his plans for the town he leads is once again shown on TV.....

The least we could all do is be thankful--for every situation, both painful and triumphs, are all blessings. Here's a toast to Among Ed! As he teaches us that man has a choice to do what's right as long as there is fear and faith for GOD. After all it is GOD who turns beauty out of our ashes....

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Related Articles:

Among Ed Panlillo: Yes to a good kapampangan leader

Saying He Can't Lie, Fr. Ed Admits taking P500,000

Among Ed given P.5M by Palace functionary

Miracle in Pampanga

Our Newest Housemate

I had a hard time getting sleep lately especially last night, or should I say, this morning, being able to sleep at around 6 am. After waking up at around eight (getting only two hours of sleep), the day started really sluggish, that I only ended up just sweeping the floor then deciding to taking a bath afterward, hoping that I can get the spell of drowsiness off.

Even as the cold water from the shower ran over me, my mind kept going back to me lying on the bed, with my eyes wanting to shut. As I started lathering soap, I heard my mom talking to someone outside. I turned off the shower and tried to make out the conversation, realizing that it wasn't one of the neighbors my mom was talking to.

The only thing I could make out was "hindi namin sya binebenta" (we are not selling it). With that, my drowsiness, and the music from the living room, the rest of the conversation became more confusing. What is it that they were not selling? Usually people would knock on gates to sell or beg. This one sounded new and weird.

Finally getting out of the bathroom, feeling fresh which made me more sleepy (so much with the uplifting the spell...hehehe), I walked in the living room where my mom was watching television. As I sat on the couch my mom turned to me and asked "Have you seen her?" My mom was beaming at me that I looked at the television thinking that maybe she's referring to someone she just saw. A game show was on the television and at that time the host was interviewing one of the contestants who happens to be a girl. I was about to ask my mom if she was pertaining to the girl on the TV when she said "They were not selling her. They were just asking something in exchanged."

It was at that moment that I saw what she was referring to. There, standing on the my desk with the laptop and the printer, was a beautiful image of Mama Mary. She was all white (very clean in fact), slinging on her arm was a golden rosary. Her eyes were staring at my direction.

As I looked more closely, it's as if the The Virgin Mary, with her rosy cheeks and lips and long lashes, was smiling at me saying hi. I was completely at awe with her beauty. She looks wonderful--fresh and graceful. It was if it was a real life miniature Virgin Mary.

My mother had exchanged her for an earring without a pair. She was being given a Santo Nino but as she saw the virgin she chose her instead-after all we already have a Santo Nino.

Earlier this night, we prayed the rosary with the virgin. My mom placed her at the living room table where she stood with a small version of our Lady of the Miraculous medal. After praying and after placing her back at the desk, we noticed her glowing more beautiful, her cheeks were more rosy and her smile seem to widen.

Presently, as I write this blog, the Mama Mary stands in front of me--her as my guide in writing.....and as the PBB (Pinoy Big Brother) is on the roll again as the new celebrity housemates are introduced this week.... I'm happy of our new housemate....

Just Passing By....

Last week, I can't help but concentrate on the television as I saw a familiar face than the rest of those who are also in the program. As much as all of them are familiar--he seemed more for me....afterall, he used to be just passing by our classroom....

I remember the first time Sen. Chiz Escudero, who was then the congressman of our district, passed by our classroom on his way to attend his class where he was going to teach. I was in first year college and was then getting used to seing politicians come in our school either to attend an event held at the auditorium or to be a guest at a show in our television station (yes, our school have a TV Station). But to be a teacher was something else.

The first time Escudero passed by was very memorable. Saturdays was our drawing class (technical drawing), meaning doing plates in front of your intructor requires more concentration than ever. The whole classroom was filled with silence as everyone concentrated over their handling of the techpens and rulers. I could swear most of us were even holding our breaths whenever we were getting our techpens touch the tracing paper, praying that it wont blot. The silence which we were holding onto came to a shattering conclusion as a van parked a few paces in front of our room.

Heads turned toward the direction of the van which revealed the presence of Escudero as he came out. Knowing that he was taken as an instructor of the Law Department, though we were somehow starstruck by his presence, we returned our gaze to the plates we were doing and began holding our breaths again. I was about to put ink on the plate when an excited voice came saying "UY! Si Escudero!"...The rest was history as the whole class went laughing at our classmate's gesture, though I think it was because some of them got suprised to have their work blotted. I immediately looked out the windows and saw a surprised Escudero with one of the guys he was with holding his laughter....

Saturday drawing classes became more fun since then, except for one who I think was annoyed with the boys reminding of her cry, this time giving it a funny twist by teasing her with one of escudero's bodyguards. hehehe....

It's been years since I last saw Chiz Escudero. Now I'm a graduate and him a senator. The closest encounter I can presently get is watching him on television. He is still just like the man whom even with strong aura, shows humility even with simple actions like walking down the corridors to nodding after a greeting.

Escudero now sits in the senate, and I can't help but brag how he once graced the school I attended to, though I was but a kid in a class where he used to pass by....

Mr. Right...Mr. Wrong...Mr. Right?

At the age of twenty four, I don't know whether I should be proud to say (maybe I should) that I'm a member of the NBSB or the No Boyfriend Since Birth community.

I never thought of having a boyfriend during high school. It was only during college that I realized that I was all grown up and ready to get into the wings of romance in case someone comes knocking on the door, especially after all my friends began having relationships of their own. Unfortunately (or I should say fortunately....) I finished college without getting involved with some guy. There was a time during college when I think it was because of my disability (I have cerebral palsy--my walking being affected) that makes men turned off, or maybe it was my high standards regards to a possible partner.

A lot has happened after college--well not exactly on my life.

I remember when a friend once told me to go ahead with the guy who comes pursuing me, accepting everything about him-faults and all (knowing of my being choosy). She was right on the fact of acceptance. Love makes you accept someone unconditionally-question is what if I really can't fall in love with the one person who did come? Then another friend approached me contradicting what the other had said, saying :"Every girl is choosy. It's okay to set standards after all our future partnership depends on it."

A year after college made me realize how lucky I am to not get into any relationships....

I did fell for someone during college. I first saw him as someone boastful and arrogant that I felt annoyed but in every moment that he spends his time alone-I saw humility, and in few times he turns my way-I saw kindness. In the end I learned to accept him wholly, unfortunately he has a girlfriend and I was but an onlooker.....but it did me good.....

Where or who is Mr. Right?

With regards to my friends' advices regarding "partners", I realize that their opposing opinions can meet, it was but a matter of learning that heartaches are not for crying but for smiling--and I don't need to get into a relationship to learn that. Love is the key factor to everything.

In a talk show I watched, where they were discussing about "Mr. Right", opinions such as change, inspiration, and conflicts arise. These reminded me of something--or someone.

True love inspires someone to be a better person. It motivates a person to do the right things and see life in a broader concept that let's you determine right from wrong rather than joining it all together. It makes you realize the blessings at hand and that which is still to come. It is not because you are loved but rather you are loving that makes the change-for the good. Acceptance is rather the hope that transition is bound to come your way-or I should say, accepting one's faults makes you see the good in a person.

On the other hand getting mixed up with the ideas of romance gets you in conflict with the world! (figure of speech....). You tend to get yourself in conflict not only with your friends (worst-family), but also with yourself, worrying over the things you did wrong that is hurting others because of your declaration of love.

Setting standards is not harmful so is accepting a persons limitations. Accepting actually makes someone meet the standards.... Right now, I'm just praying that God's will is to give me someone who complements me....

The Life Lived by Others

There are those who smile....

There are those who cry....

Sad but true--life is difficult and it's getting more difficult for others.

I have seen a lot of dramas on TV showing poverty at it's worst, or have they? Well, watching dramas might make you cry but wait 'till you get a load on documentaries by those at public affairs whether the kapamilya's or the kapuso's--then there are also those made by students as their works are shown on DOKYU.

Amateur or professional videos are not of importance as long as people are informed....

Pictures of a family re-cooking food from the garbage pile while sheltered under the overpass.

Batang bakaws, stealing fish from the market to sell.

Malnourished kids, getting sicker and sicker, 'till they are breathless.

Poverty, an issue that seems to never fade and getting worst.

It is like a transferable disease. A disease that gives birth to illnesses like prostitution, robbery, and murders. A disease that seems so hard to cure.

There are times I ask myself who should the blame be placed on: the government? the rich and mighty? or the poor themselves? It is like adding insult to injury, yet sad but true, everybody has there share....

There are the corrupted in the government. There are intimidators among the mighty. There are the lazy among the poor. Now tell me whose fault is it.

This is one issue that I believe will never be solved if we all try to look for someone to blame rather than looking for the solution. A motivation. An action. Playing deaf has made us all useless, what more if we act blind and crippled. People who can't even look at other's difficult situation is more ignorant than those deprived of learning. Hope is just within our grasp--all we have to do is channel through our FAITH.

Life can be unpredictable at times. But it is still up to us if we wish to wage a good fight. There are times when we think life is going downhill for us yet let's take a moment to see what we have all along--God has given enough blessings for us to enjoy....and to share.